This article is not about religion, spirituality, or God. It’s about being present and grateful in today’s busy, modern world
Several years ago, Dallas and I begun saying grace before each meal. We take a moment, hold hands, bow our heads, and say something nice about the day, each other, our lives. If you’ve dined with us, you’ve likely either participated in our grace (if we know you well), or watched us quietly bow our heads and speak privately before eating.
For us, this is not religious, it is simply reflective. At some point in 2010, we realized we were running from place to place, all day every day, sometimes without any meaningful personal interaction for hours—despite the fact that we were together nearly all the time. We also found ourselves too often caught up in the tiny negative details of our life—the unfavorable comment someone left on our last blog post, our more-than-expected AmEx bill (how much did we spend at Whole Foods?), the fact that we are on the road (again) in just a few days.
We weren’t behaving this way on purpose, of course—but I think you can all relate to how easy it can be to get caught up in “life.” We had a business to run, a household to maintain, a personal life to foster. And unfortunately, for a short period of time, we realized these things were prioritized in that exact order. It was all too easy to let days slip by without taking a moment to acknowledge and be grateful for everything we had, not the least of which was each other.
So, we began saying grace. Every meal, we take a purposeful, deliberate moment to connect, to be present, to be grateful. It helps us put things into perspective. It helps us remember what a good life we have been blessed with. It helps us stay humble. And, most importantly, it encourages us to pay attention to one another at least three times a day—because in the midst of all our busy-ness, we at least know we’ll eat.
We all have problems, we all have stressors, we all have struggles (some worse than others)—but we all have things we can be grateful for. Our health, our families, our stable job, our beautiful children. Just reminding ourselves of these good things can make the problems, stressors, and struggles seem more manageable, and can bring light into an otherwise dark day.
Is there a practice you can begin to remind yourself of all the good things in your life? Do you already perform your own version of grace? Has this deliberate daily mindfulness enriched your life, as it has ours? Share your views in comments.
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Wow! Ever have a moment when a blog post, article, or piece of information hits you at just the right time? I just had one of those moments with this post. Thank you.
I’ve been stuck in a very negative “life sucks, nothing is going right” cycle lately. Tonight i will begin a saying grace ritual with my kids at the dinner table. At summer camp this year, my son did a nightly cabin discussion on the day. they used a rose analogy: Rose = what was great, Thorn = what didn’t go so well, Bud = what you are looking forward to tomorrow. I think i’ll have us repeat this each night before we eat. We can be thankful for the Rose of the day, acknowledge but move on from the Thorn of the day, and be joyful about the Bud for tomorrow.
This is lovely, and I also like the Rose analogy above. I am going to figure out how we can incorporate this. We don’t even eat together most days, sadly :(
Great post! Not to mention this is a great way to jump out of your sympathetic nervous system back to a parasympathetic state which is needed for stomach acid production. The past few months I’ve been thinking about all benefits of what I was raised to believe was a “religious ritual” and couldn’t ever figure out a way to make it non-religious. Problem solved!
Perfect. Thank you.
Staying mindful in the moment is never a bad thing. It’s right where we should be, and it’s the only place we can really experience happiness. I try to remind myself of this several times a day, that tomorrow is not promised, so enjoy what I can today, help as many people as I can, and have a little fun :)
I think this is a great way to remind yourself to slow down and be thankful for the simple things in life. Great post! My husband and I try to say “Grace” before dinner each night and just say something that happened during our day that we’re grateful or thankful for. It definitely helps us to stay more positive!
I love this. I say grace at least once a day, and keep a gratitude journal as well. I’m healing a chronic health condition through food, so for me, saying grace prepares my mind and body to receive the food as medicine. I gotta admit that I don’t remember to say grace at every meal, so when I do remember (even if it’s after I’ve eaten), I say, “Through all aspects of time and space, please bless the food and drink that enters my body. May it nourish my body and soul and provide each cell with the nutrition it needs for optimal function.” I always feel wonderful after saying this. As for the gratitude journal, I keep it by my bedside and write in it nightly. I got the idea from Sarah Ban Breathnach, who recommends that we give thanks for the small moments, in addition to the big ones. Instead of getting into a routine of giving thanks for “health/happiness/family”, give thanks for the person who opened the door when your hands were full, or the bright scarlet of the leaves on the tree outside your window, or the 10 minutes of solitude you captured in the car between running your kids to their activities. She says it’s these details that make up the fabric of our daily lives, and I admit, it’s become a joyful ritual to write those down, and look for them throughout my day. Some nights, I write just one thing. Other nights, it’s a stream of consciousness list of many small gratitudes.
Hey Melissa and Dallas,
My view on appreciating and expressing grace was recently changed by Amit Amin in his article “How Grateful Are You? Interactive Quiz + Seven Strategies for Cultivating Gratitude”. In my comment on his article, I picked saying grace before meals as my immediate change to start feeling gratitude more deeply during my day. And it’s been awesome!
If this is an important topic to you lately, I highly recommend checking out Amit’s article at http://happierhuman.com/how-grateful-are-you/
Our family calls this ” thankfuls”…. Before we start a meal, we hold hands and go around the table each saying something that we are thankful for. Just that simple reflection has given all of us, including our two teenage children, a greater appreciation for life!
Thanks to all for sharing your experience with being grateful, and the practices you’ve put into place. We really love this three-times-a-day connection with one another, and it’s even more special when friends join us.
Melissa
regularly expressing “gratitude” out of a sense of obligation is religious in the true sense of the word. congratulations on discovering that you’re privileged. now to escape that religiosity and find out who’s responsible
I actually say a short prayer before all food. But I recently was gifted a stunning journal and was told to use it nightly listing 5 things I was greatful for that day. Sme days I could like 10 and other times, it really makes me stop and think. It is really awesome.
Wow I salute the both of you. You are really a good example of couples.