I recently had a conversation with someone I truly like and respect, someone with a lot more CrossFit and coaching experience than I have. This person mentioned he had read my blog for the first time… and then referenced that it wasn’t exactly a “family show”. I started to laugh the comment off, but then I asked him to explain what he meant. And he did, tough-love lecture style. And it got me thinking.
I always thought of this blog as my own personal area of free speech. I get to write about what I want, how I want, and express things in a way that I normally can’t. But every day, more people in the CrossFit community – people I look up to and admire – are checking out my blog. And a lot of those people are getting their first impressions of me as a CrossFitter and trainer through my web postings. I started thinking about how I would feel if someone like Lis Darsh or Maureen Martone read some of these posts. I mean, what if my MOM read some of these posts? I have to ask myself, is this really the first impression I want these people to have of me?
I have spent a lot of time this past week thinking about what it means to be a coach, and by default, a role model. I am serious about taking my training to the next level by attending more certifications, participating as a demonstrator and coach, and most importantly, starting to train my own kettlebell clients. In order to establish myself in those roles, I need to do more than just improve my coaching skills and log more training time. I also need to project a professional image to trainers, clients and peers, whether it be in person, via email or through my blog.
I’m going to rethink how I’m putting myself out there, to both the CrossFit community and the general public. I can still be clever and funny without the use of the f-bomb. There’s a lot of room between Disney and Chris Rock, and I’ll find my place there. I think people will still be entertained, despite the lack of colorful vernacular. (Although I sure will miss a few of them.) What do you think? Please post thoughts to comments.
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I see it both ways. I see your blog as a place to express yourself however you want. At the same time, I know that I personally censor my website postings, and refrain from using curse words that you wouldn’t hear on network TV. I think that SOMETIMES people can be judged negatively if they swear like a truck driver, even if you’re typing it instead of saying it. Swearing sometimes leads people to jump to conclusions about your demeanor and intelligence, (even though we all know you’re a smart lady underneath all those F-bombs) I also have to be careful about my website because my 10 year old daughter reads it!
You have great content on your blog, and I think that even w/o the F-bomb, your content will still be great. Honestly, do you use it that much? Guess I didn’t notice. :-) I’m usually to busy laughing.
I guess I fall into the “it’s your space, we’re just guests here” category. Certainly if you posted a writeup on the CF or PM boards, that’s a public presentation and no place for profanity, but a blog is a personal journal and a representation of your own life – at least, that’s usually the case.
There’s a big difference between using profanity as a stylistic choice – for emphasis or effect – and simply using it habitually or because you don’t know any other words. You’re a great writer and the language is part of that. It makes you, in my mind, MORE engaging and therefore your points hit that much more effectively.
We’re all invited here (right? unless you turned off the invite-only feature), and we’re all adults. We can handle some salty language without fainting, and if someone really likes what you say and wants to repost it but without the swearing, I’d imagine all they would have to do is ask you.
I enjoy your colorful posts. I “get it” when the f-bomb or other expletives are used, they make me laugh, as I think we have all been there at some point. My favorite was when you gave the burpee the finger! I wish I would have thought of that!
If you were my trainer I would be more comfortable with you after reading your posts, I feel like I can relate to you. I don’t think you will ever have a shortage of clients because of your blog.
I like how Daniel put it. Keep the great posts coming!
Don’t Coach, Rippetoe, and Coach Burgener drop a whole lot of f-bombs themselves?…
Honestly, it’s 2008! Corporate America has come around :-)
You ever listen to a Donald Trump speach? HA HA HA. There are for sure a few “not safe” network words used.
You are you. There might be 1 out of a 100 that would look at you different because your words, and while some might say that 1 could be your best client, my pride says, fuck them, i’d rather be me, and have more fun with the other 99 :-)
ova and out
-Brandon
Interesting points of view. I can see it both ways too, like Jennifer said.
Yes, Coach Rip drops a lot of f-bombs. So does Gilson. But these guys are already extremely well known for their stellar coaching skills, so the occasional f-bomb doesn’t take away from the reputation they have so firmly established for themselves.
Look at AllisonNYC. She’s a good CrossFitter with some solid lifts and workout times, but all I remember about her videos are her boobs and the f-bombs. Should I allow that to detract from her remarkable accomplishments as a CrossFitter? In a perfect world, no. But they DO. Too bad, but that’s real life.
Brandon, I see your point. But it reminds me of my first “real” job, when my boss told me to take out my tongue piercing. (It was the 90’s.) I argued that jewelry had nothing to do with my skills and abilities on the job. And he agreed, but told me to grow up, get with the corporate program and take it out.
I wanted to rage against the machine, keep the piercing and quit in a huff. But then I would have no job. And who’s to say the next boss wouldn’t say the same thing? I realized then that sometimes you have to play the game. And it’s not selling out, or giving up who you are… sometimes you just need to conform to a certain set of standards to get your foot in the door. And right now, I’m trying to get my foot in the CrossFit door. And if that means NOT offending that one single person who might be able to help me, then I’d be shooting myself in the foot not to do it.
My dentist was really happy I took the tongue piercing out, by the way. Those things are hell on your front teeth.
I say if you can keep your inimitable style without the f-bomb, there’s no harm. What you can’t do is stop being colorful and fun, because that detracts more what you have to offer than crossing societal norms, so you probably don’t watnt o stop saying things like give burpees the finger or referring to the pry bar as the stripper stretch. There’s no harm in searching for more creative speech than a reflexive curse, but sometimes there’s no substitute for a good f-bomb. (See what you’ve done; you’ve gone made us all prissy with our language [except Brandon, I guess]).
Be yourself, Melissa. The F-bomb is exactly that — a bomb. Use it as such. You throw bombs left and right, nobody really pays attention because they’re too busy covering their ears. But you throw the bomb when it’s needed and — bam! — you get the attention you sought.
That being said, writing (in my opinion) is different than speaking. I might not write what I would say in person. Just this weekend at the Gymnastics Cert in Boston (where I met you!) a buddy of mine (Alex M.) said, “You use the word pu**y more than any woman I know. But it’s cool because you say it with so much authority. I like that.”
Now, would I write that word? (Well, I guess I just did . . .) Anyhow, you get my point. Be yourself, but remember two things: The written word is very powerful AND nothing goes away on the Internet ever.
Oh f**k it, use the bomb whenever you need it.
There is a flip side to your argument, Melissa, particularly in light of the fact that this is CrossFit, not a bank. Attitude can be a good thing.
If I, as a prospective client reading the work of two different Melissa Byerses – one corporate and one, well, you – I would pick the pottymouth in a heartbeat. I WANT my trainer to be a tough smart-ass who isn’t afraid to keep me in line or yell at me.
Be yourself. Don’t play a role to try and fit some nebulous construct of how you think a “real trainer” should act. Trust me, you don’t have anything to fear in terms of gathering like-minded people around you – look what you’ve done already, and you haven’t even been trying.
…which is probably WHY you’ve done so well at it.
Well – other folks have said it better than I can, but I wholeheartedly agree with the folks who’ve said that you should not try to fit yourself into what you think someone else’s ideal *might* be.
I would even go so far as to say that your particular style and linguistic flair are practically a brand at this point. Don’t mess with what’s already working ;-)
I enjoy reading with or without the language. But you’re right that you could be alienating certain populations. Naturally, if you can’t speak or write without it, you’re not communicating effectively (I know this isn’t the case with you as we email regularly).
Coaching should be about knowledge, though selling attitude has recently become popular. If anyone didn’t want me as a trainer because I lack the now-homogenous CF “attitude”, I would drop them, fire myself, and quite possibly shoot myself in the face with a cannon.
The best advice is always to be yourself. So…what kind of person do you want to be?
Again, I enjoy the different perspectives. Lisbeth, I agree that the written work and spoken word are two different things. When I coach, I’ll be able to evaluate whether kick-ass f-bombing Byers is called for, or whether I need to tone it down to relate to my client. In writing, there’s no individual judgment call available.
Gant and Patrick, I will NEVER abandon my “flavor” (or as Rebecca put it, my “brand”, which I love). Burpees will always get the finger, which is why anything I write will always be PG-13, at minimum. But maybe I’ll try to find creative ways to express my dislike for that particular move, other than simply saying, “Fuck burpees”. Although that’s a bad example, as there really is no other sentiment that could express it any better. I really do believe that sometimes, only “fuck” will do. But to maintain its effectiveness, you’ve got to throw it like a bomb, not spit it out like anti-aircraft fire.
And yes, this is CrossFit, not a bank, which is why I get away with showing up for coaching “work” half naked. Which is awesome.
I just read your “apologies to Mom” narrative. You are dead on questioning first impressions. IMO they should always be made in the manner that YOU WANT the person to perceive you for all time, because that is how long they last. Once the first impression is made and reinforced you can vary your interactions and style to match the situation but you always have the option to lapse back to the style of the first impression and be believed.
One of my mentors once stated it very clearly for me. He said, “If you are first perceived as an asshole you can spend your life trying to change that perception but the best you will ever achieve is “nice asshole”.”
lovingly offered, Dad
Just surfing the net today and came over here from fitquestblog where I usually get my work outs.
I’ve got to say I am impressed with your mature attitude. Recognizing that there is a time and a place to be yourself and a time and a place to be a tad more circumspect is a good thing. And it’s not something easily found today.
Man! I agree the first impression thing — but I also cuss like a sailor, and I’m loathe to give it up. I look at it this way: I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t eat un-Zone-friendly food most of the time. I don’t sleep late, nor stay out late. I never quit on my workouts. A girl should be allowed one vice, right? And cussing just feels so good some times.
Mouth like a sailor? Hardly. But what a stereotype! I am a Sailor (with a Post Graduate degree) and my beautiful wife is a CrossFit Coach who teaches at a gym which is also owned by a Sailor.
Jeff,
Oops! I almost said "mouth like a truck driver"… but I happen to know some extremely polite and well spoken truck drivers.
I hereby rescind my slam on Sailors. Rock on.
Melissa
Do things you feel good about after doing them.
Wally